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Friday, 6 January 2017

Numpties and Bouncing Ladies...

HUFFFF! HUMPH AND DOUBLE HARRRRUUUUMPH! I almost got a super snack. I thought that ladyhuman was really nice. Mum thought she was a numpty. Well, I think that is something called the 'polite' term anyway.

I took Mum on a super mega workywalkies this morning. It was great. Just the two of us (Dad stayed behind doing loads of clicketyfingersing). I took her to the humanvets first to collect a markysheet. (Apparently it is an important markysheet and it means that one day soon I will have to take her to the huge humanvets place).

After that, we just continued on a lovely long route back - via the Upper Gardens, across the town square, then down through the Lower Gardens (including a diversion because the big slippysquare where humans glide around on shinypawsliders was being taken apart), then along the pawmenade and back up Middle Chine. Almost five of those mile things that humans talk about.

As we were going through the town square bit, I was guiding Mum nicely between all the wooden houselets and, as we went past the one that smells delectable, a ladyhuman stopped Mum to admire me! While she was yacketying to Mum, she offered me the yummy she was holding. Mum says it was called a Bratwurst. It smelled more like a BiteBest to me! Now this is where the really unfair bit came; because I had my noseband on, I couldn't open my mouth wide enough to snaffle it quick. So, in the time it took me to get a good slurpy lick at it, Mum had said a very firm 'NO. Please don't feed him'. Well! I think that was seriously rotten of Mum! The ladyhuman had already asked the man in the wooden houselet to make her another one so I could have it. Mum carried on telling her that it is really not right to feed anybody else's dog without asking first, and that Guide Dogs most certainly should not be fed, especially when working. She went to say something about yumnions or something being toxic to dogs too. She said that, if I had eaten that Bratwurst, with the yumnions and mustard all over it, I could have been very poorly or worse. The ladyhuman said she was sorry and she didn't know. She thought she was just giving me a treat that I deserved but she won't do it ever again. She then ate my snack! I had licked that! It was mine! My lick - my claim! Howwwlllll!

Also during this walk, I almost got my nose bitten off by a yap-on-a-strap who was just gobby for the sake of being gobby! Mum told me I was a good boy to leave. I made her prove her praise! Heehee!

There were lots of other 'leave' dogs about. I leaveded all of them and got suitable praise each time.

We stopped several times so Mum could yackety with other humans about me and my work. Apparently there were lots of daft comments being made and Mum clearly felt the need to try to educate these people today! I didn't mind. It got me some fusses!

Then, as we were coming up through Middle Chine, we met lots of doggypals all with their various humans. They were almost all freerunning. Lucky lot! I managed to 'leave' most of them, but some just came up to greet me and I couldn't be so rude as to ignore them could I?!! There was one pack of six very big dogs though that were really funny - well, so it seems anyway: They came racing towards me dragging their ladyhuman along the ground on her belly, holding onto their leads! She was laughing hysterically and so were a couple of other humans around at the time. The two huge Rottweilers, two GSDs, a Doberman and a Husky were clearly much stronger than she was and, when they rushed over to greet me, she tumbled after them! Mum joined in the laughter after she had checked that the ladyhuman was OK. When she stood up, she was much shorter than Mum (and Mum calls herself a shortie) so she was really tiny in comparison to any of those doggypals. We dogs all just meeted and greeted before setting off again in our opposite directions.

I think Mum was quite glad to get back to sit down with a mug of that hot black water stuff she drinks. Me? I just got stuck into my bone again! Much nicer than that stinky stuff in a mug!

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